Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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