I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
