You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
