Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
