problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
