she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
