Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
