Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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