You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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