false alarm. still invincible.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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