you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
