wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
