So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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