Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
