I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
