how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
