my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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