I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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