I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize