tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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