Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
