How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
