fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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