I need to stop coming to work sober
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
