explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
