You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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