i think i have two assholes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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