I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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