i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
