I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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