worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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