Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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