Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
