It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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