is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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