Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
