Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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