May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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