I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will be naked everywhere
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
