Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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