Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
