So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize