The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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