I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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