1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My room smells like vodka and shame
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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