I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize