I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
