those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
