We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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