So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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