Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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