I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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