zippers are such a cool invention
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
