First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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