Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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