I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
