I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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