Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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