And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
