also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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